Today, I will discuss a fascinating population that does not get enough coverage. These people need to control much like eating, breathing, and sleeping. It perplexes me how easily people willingly relinquish control to self-appointed Shepards. I can’t count the times I have seen people allow controlling personalities to think for them, even when they disagree with the results.
I will not say that if you have met one control freak, you have met them all, but there are some common characteristics amongst these controllers.
• They know best
• Skeptical of outsiders
• Liars
• Manipulative
• Authoritarian
• To some degree, abusive
• Easily angered when challenged
• Secretive
• Hypocrites
• Self-serving
• Many are narcissistic
The list is not exhaustive, but many controlling personalities share many, if not all, of these characteristics. Before I dive into the motivations behind the need to control, I will spend a little time outlining those most vulnerable to becoming prey to control freaks:
• Insecure
• Fearful
• Weak
• Desperate
• Needy
• Naive
• Inexperienced
• Less Fortunate
• Victims of abuse
• Individuals who suffer from trauma
• Mentally ill
• Emotionally unstable
• Children
Individuals with the above characteristics are easy prey for control freaks because they either need something, are not whole, are ignorant of how people work, or are trapped, like in a child’s case. Some people may need resources to survive, and others may need someone to feel voids, such as insecurities that may be rooted in an abundance of things such as abandonment, self-esteem, trust issues, and so on. People are often naive or ignorant to the levels a person will go to deceive to get what they want. These people talk themselves out of reality right before their eyes.
Now, why control in the first place? This question is not asked enough and is primarily why control freaks can live a successful life preying on people. Control freaks tend to be impatient, have no interest in playing fair, and only care about themselves. They want a life that best serves them and do not mind sacrificing others to do just that. Some control freaks are insecure and struggle with self-worth. They feel that no one would accept them in their true nature. These types will use brute force to control and ensure they are respected. At times, the insecure control freak will instill fear in others to ensure they cooperate.
Insecure control freaks usually flee when they have lost control of the people in their lives. To avoid a loss of control, they will use abusive tactics to keep people in check. They may remind you that you lack the resources to survive without them, pick at your insecurities, and promise that life will worsen without them. Sometimes insecure controllers will intimidate and use violence to restore order. These tactics are very effective with children and women who have allowed themselves to become isolated, burdened by several children, and financially dependent on their controller.
The other kind of controller does not necessarily have low self-esteem. If anything, they have an inflated sense of self-importance but a fragile ego. These controllers tend to be narcissistic. They assume control for various reasons, but one is they feel no one else is competent enough to do so. They view themselves as superior in intelligence, of higher importance, and that life should center around them. Everything is fine as long as everyone plays their assigned role. Disagreement and criticism of this control freak can send them into a rage where they can become violent and punish whoever has stepped out of line.
Control freaks isolate people, make them dependent, reinforce their fears, and brainwash them into believing they have their best interests. Fascinatingly, controllers are aware that none of this is the case. In fact, control freaks may look down on you for being so stupid, and they may blame your ignorance as a rationale for why you need a master. Control freaks that cheat in relationships may speak negatively of their spouse or romantic partner with their partner on the side. In many cases, you are a joke. Everything you give and sacrifice is for nothing, and when the relationship has reached its end, they will look at you and say, “you shouldn’t have been so dumb.”
These people are often without conscious and are everywhere. We pass them every day. They have supreme awareness and can quickly detect when you have a friend or relative detecting them or capable of detecting them. Don’t be surprised when they come up with phantom stories claiming someone is jealous of you to isolate you from that person. Sometimes they will start a conflict with this person and make you choose between them and that relationship.
To discover if you are being controlled, speak with a neutral person, such as a counselor. Ensure the counselor is not biased against the other gender and asks enough questions to fully assess the situation before going full Girl Power! The best way to avoid entering a controlling relationship or friendship is to ensure you are healthy and whole before forming intimate relationships. If you can take care of yourself, mind, body, and soul, there won’t be a need for someone outside your creator to lead and direct your path.
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