This blog will address one of the worst yet most common reasons people have children. No, it is not to collect checks from the government or as an attempt to entrap someone. Too often, individuals have children to heal emotional wounds within themselves. Generally, these wounds stem from unresolved issues from childhood. Unfortunately, many adults are broken after navigating challenging childhood experiences.
Many have come from dysfunctional families and just want the pain to stop. These individuals often lack the tools to heal on their own. They usually are unfamiliar with or do not believe in God’s work and the various resources to help remove emotional pain. Instead, they conclude that they will rely on a child’s innocence and pure love to heal. Many believe that if I have no one in this world, I have my kid(s). Some say, “If no one loves me, at least my kids will love me.”
Confident in their strategy, countless individuals begin families searching for their healing. They do not see anything wrong with their plan. After all, it is not like they do not plan to be good parents. However, if people have little to give emotionally at the onset of parenting, it is unlikely this will set up an ideal parent-to-child relationship. Nevertheless, individuals press on with my child will heal me strategy. There are numerous flaws with this line of thinking.
Children are not born to fulfill any needs of their parents. Parents are responsible for fulfilling their needs, whether physical, mental, or emotional. Any sign that a parent is incapable of appropriately meeting their individual needs indicates that they are not fit to be a parent, at least at that moment. Expecting your children to love you burdens them. What if they do not want to love you? The option to love is a part of free will.
In these parenting relationships, children are robbed of their innocence because part of their purpose is to serve their parents. To believe that your children are to fulfill any part of you is the same mentality carried by some of the most destructive people to walk the earth, narcissists. The parents end up burdening the child with their age-old baggage. The children are then likely to grow up with their own unresolved issues and believe that they, like their parents, need to have a child to make it all better.
The vicious cycle continues for yet another generation until someone breaks the chain. Unfortunately, it is not every day that someone does this. At this point, inquiring minds may want to know if we do not have children for ourselves then for whom do we have children? The answer is simple, the children. Individuals have children because they want to raise them with the children’s needs in mind. It is like the bird that receives the push out of the nest once it is ready to fly.
Many fail to realize that children do not belong to them. They only have children for a little while, and then they are free to go on and live their lives. If more began to have children for the right reasons, there would be fewer displaced children worldwide. Understandably, knowing the fundamental role of a parent and the reasons for having children can make the job less attractive. However, continuing the pattern of having children heal wounds will further add to the carnage of broken homes, promises, and hearts.
Leave a Reply