The weekend has finally arrived, and you have decided to go to the show. Typically, you stay in on the weekends, but a movie is playing that you have been dying to see. You call up a few of your closest friends to see who is willing to attend with you. Your friends Sandra and Eric cannot make it, but fortunately, your girl Kim and childhood friend Todd can make it. Todd suggests he picks you and Kim up so you all can have more time to catch up. You arrive at the theater, and you are having a great time. You cannot believe you forgot how funny Todd is and how much fun you have when you all are together.
It is your turn to purchase your ticket. “I will have one for Bad Boys 3.“ After receiving the price, you begin to bend down and retrieve your credit card from your purse, but before you complete this, you spot something from the corner of your eye. You look up and see what looks like your friend Sandra’s man Keith leaving the theater with a woman you have never seen before. The situation seems suspect, but you say maybe it’s a relative until he leans over and kisses the mystery woman goodbye.
Confused about what you have just witnessed, you ask your friends what you should do. Todd tells you not to say anything. He says to stay out of their business. Kim’s mouth drops as she stares at Todd with a blank face. She is in disbelief at his advice and says, do not listen to him. Kim explains, “he is a guy and does not understand what it is like to be in a woman’s shoes. Kim wants you to tell Sandra as soon as you get home that night. You all proceed to the theater to watch the movie, but your night is already ruined. Deeply thought about what to do about what you had seen earlier in the night made it impossible to enjoy the show.
You are quiet on the car ride home. Todd drops Kim off first. As Todd drops you off one more time, he reminds you to mind your business and ignore Kim.
This situation is all too real for many people. Many can attest that they have seen one of their friend’s significant other with someone else. Whether or not you told depended on your belief system, closeness to the friend, and likely consequences. This blog will not tell you which answer to choose but what is likely to happen if you do or do not share what you have seen.
If you tell…
If you decide to tell, some considerations must be considered before you pick up the phone. Before saying anything, you must prioritize what is most important to you, the friendship, or your friend knowing the truth about her partner. Next, you must have accepted that sharing this information can end your friendship with this person. If your friend decides to stay with the cheater, then more than likely, the cheater will see to it that you are removed.
If your priority is your friendship, then it may be best not to say a word. You probably think that not telling makes you a bad friend, and the answer to that question mainly depends on the type of friendship you have and the understanding you guys have about such matters. Think back to past conversations you guys have had about cheaters. Do you have one of those friends who says she would want to know and swears she would act? If so, do you believe her? Maybe you have a friend who is the type to be in denial and accuse you of being jealous or even sadder. She already knows and has accepted the behavior.
It would be best if you also considered the health of the relationship. Does your friend think she has a real catch, or is she calling you every other day and telling you what he did that day? The rule of thumb is to stay out of toxic relationships. As usual, one more log on the fire is business for them but is likely to bring unnecessary drama to you. If your friend believes she has a prince charming, it may be better to share what you know. Even though you may lose the friendship, you could have saved someone from signing their life away to someone who would only break their heart. (Author’s Note: This is usually the only circumstance I tell. More on this later)
You are not going to tell.
You have decided that you do not want any part of the situation. You feel bad but have decided that it is not your relationship, and they can figure it out. No one can fault you for minding your own business, right? Well, it is not that simple. You may feel you have secured the friendship, but now, just like the unfaithful partner, you have a secret. The secret that you possess still has the potential to end your friendship if your friend discovers that you know. Even if you are confident that the secret is safe, it may not be as safe as you think. In the scenario I gave, other people were at the theater that night and saw the same thing. Secrets can be very tricky and weigh heavily on a person.
What to do?
As mentioned at the onset, this blog will never tell you what to do. The blog reviews things to consider before making an impulsive decision. Impulsive decisions are rarely superior to a well-thought-out approach. For those who are wondering what I would do, well, in most cases, I would not say a word. However, my reasonings are different than what most may think. Whether cheating or something else, I am never afraid to lose a friend because I told them the truth.
I usually do not say anything because, in most cases, cheaters tend to be selfish people who do not treat their partners well, especially serial cheaters. Serial cheaters tend to be manipulative and demonstrate questionable character in everyday life. As a friend, I am likely privy to how dysfunctional the relationship is, and I do not see how saying, by the way, I saw your guy with another girl is going to help anything other than dragging me into it.
The situation I am likely to tell is when a person is about to sign their life away, thinks they have struck gold and is the type to address the situation effectively. The other major exception is when the individual being played is someone you consider a best friend. Regardless of whether the individual stays in the relationship, a real best friend can handle the situation without turning on you.
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