You have been together for a while now. Most days are the same. You daydream about leaving, but you know you are not going anywhere. Sometimes you feel it’s hopeless; they will never act right. Why did you not give one of your previous, much better suitors a shot? Their love for you was real. I bet this scenario sounds familiar. Many are in unhappy relationships. You may stay because you have concerns about finding love at your age, you have invested too much into the relationship, maybe you all have kids together, or you may actually love the person.
Thinking more about it, you may consider that you, too, are not as desirable as you once were. You could still struggle to lose the freshman 15 you gained in college and the weight you have put on throughout the relationship. If this sounds like your relationship or another relationship you are aware of, I will tell you why the spark has left and why it will not come back unless a few simple truths are accepted.
1. Your unhappiness is rooted in a refusal to let go of unrealistic expectations. You approach each day, waiting to see if this is the day your significant other gets it “right” and acts according to your will, taught you nothing. It is as if the previous days did not indicate that a change was unlikely to occur in the relationship. Much like a hamster in a wheel, you continue, setting unrealistic expectations that your partner fails to live up to. Now you are mad, sad, and deflated.
2. The only way to fix unhappiness in a relationship you intend to stay in is to set realistic expectations. You may be thinking that you refuse to lower your standards for anyone. However, you fail to realize that you have already lowered your standards every unhappy moment you spend in the relationship, which brings me to the final truth.
3. Know what you got. This suggestion may sound like having realistic expectations. However, it is a little different because it emphasizes knowing what type of partner you have to form realistic expectations. If your partner has never been the romantic type, you should not expect roses. Furthermore, if your partner is dishonest and disloyal, do not act surprised when temptation takes over and your partner betrays you.
This advice may sound ridiculous, but that is because it is the raw truth. In reality, this blog presents the makeup of many relationships. Obviously, what you are currently trying is not working, or else you probably would not be reading this unless you would like to support my work :). Take the beforementioned advice if you know you will not leave your partner and see how it helps “you.” It may not necessarily improve the quality of your relationship. However, it will go a long way in enhancing the efficiency of the relationship by allowing you to stop ruminating over things that will never change. Remember, the only person you can change is yourself. At the least, you will find yourself better able to handle yourself emotionally, which equals less stress.
I leave you with one last thing that has the potential to increase your happiness if you give it a try. Make a list of the things you wish your partner would do for you. Next, see what is on the list that you can easily do for yourself. Look specifically for something that you likely can do better than your partner. The idea of your partner doing this deed pleases you theoretically, but the actual result is better when you do it. This does not work well if you find yourself completing the whole list. Only take a few things off. You will be surprised by how much pressure you can remove from a relationship when you decide to do more for yourself and apply realistic expectations to the relationship.
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