The blog’s title may make it appear as if I am going to advise on how to date through brokenness. If that is what you are hoping for, you may be disappointed. Dating while broken is one of the worse times to date, and if you stay tuned, I will tell you why. Whether your brokenness stems from a past relationship or low self-esteem that developed from a life full of bad experiences, the only person you need to be dating while broken is yourself.

I’m sure you may be thinking easier said than done. After all, you have your “needs.” As I explain to you all the consequences of dating while broken, I want you to ask yourself if the momentary feelings of happiness you feel are worth all the scars that will be placed on your heart. Before we begin, I want to debunk a perspective on dating: whether you agree with this perspective or not, you likely have heard it. Many single individuals boast that they are looking for someone to “complete or fulfill” them.

This response may sound harsh, but looking for someone to complete you is dangerous, foolish, unrealistic, and a rather unfair approach to dating. Most religious and spiritual individuals should already know that they are complete, in other words, made whole through their Lord and Savior. Those who do not subscribe to such beliefs are still vulnerable to the same consequences.

Consequences

Looking for someone to complete you is dangerous because it places you directly in a position to be duped by individuals pretending to be what you claim is missing from your life. It is foolish because it narrows your potential suitors down to a prototype you have likely dated multiple times in your past that never led to a relationship that was the endgame. It is unrealistic to believe you will find someone perfectly crafted to make you feel complete. People are complex and can change anytime. Lastly, it is self-serving to date from the point of view that it is someone else’s responsibility to fulfill you.

Brokenness

When you are severely ill, you know you cannot do what you usually do. Something in your routine must change to accommodate your weakened state. You may miss class for a few days to regain your strength if you are a student. Adults are likely to call into work until they have regained health. These decisions are made because people know they are likely to get worse if they do not take such precautions.

Brokenness is a weakened state. When individuals are in a broken state, a recuperation period is required to exit the broken state. The recuperation phase always calls for the time allotted for reflection and healing. Failure to recognize the needed time to reflect and heal will likely result in repeating the same habits that led to the broken state. Incomplete recuperation before pursuing new relationships can become a perpetual cycle. Individuals can become bitter and resentful and act in ways that sabotage their dating efforts.

An individual in their most broken state can no longer hide their afflictions. At this point, onlookers can clearly see something is wrong. Suitors are less likely to take an individual who can barely hold it together seriously. People will tend to pass up individuals who cannot keep it together or exploit them if they perceive that there are other benefits associated with engaging in some form of relationship with individuals that are broken.

I challenge you now to think of your past or, if you prefer, your current relationship. Hopefully, now you have that relationship in your mind. Did you enter into the relationship as the best version of yourself at that time, or were you severely wounded from past experiences? My next question is for those who were broken entering into the relationship. Did you try to pick yourself up and become stronger in the relationship? If you made efforts to become stronger in the relationship, did those efforts bring you and your partner closer or further apart? In other words, did your partner prefer you stronger or weaker? Lastly, if the relationship did not last, why not, and did you end the relationship healthier than when you first entered the relationship?